Holiday Special, 2023

 It seems as though 2023 has flown by. When one reaches a certain age, the year seems to fly faster than the one before. I have to say that this year has been the best in recent memory. I'm still happily owned and collared, by the same Master. My second collaring anniversary was in August. Early in 2023, I came to settle in Queen Creek, and have built a strong dynamic with M. A new business was started, and a new puppy was adopted as a result. The growth and nurture of these and a couple of others formed remains one of the focuses of this blog. Daddy Issues will probably be minimal, but I do have a few posts from lessons learned in hard and unpleasant ways in the past that have been resolved and I am going to share a few of these insights along the way this year. 

Cosmic Nature was started in February. M and I are working on this venture together. We've started vending at craft fairs/events/bazaars/markets, completing two this year. More ambitious plans are in the works. We've made enough to make a small profit to make up the registration fees and to help pay for its own expenses. There is a new website here. More new and exciting things are added every week. Please stop by as often as possible and help support your local small businesses. 

M and I adopted Wally in April. He's a Jack Russell black lab mix, with all of the energy that his breeds imply. We got him at five months old. He turned a year old sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving. As with all shelter dogs, we will probably never know his actual birth date. 

M is the man who helped me to escape the rapist I was staying with last autumn, where I had intended to stay the winter until the weather heated up again. We began a strong dynamic and started Cosmic Nature together. In July, we traveled to Chicago together. We've traveled together before, but not at this long a distance or time away. Chicago was the most grand journey we've taken. Aside from an afternoon's drive to Payson, it consumed our travel energy for most of the year. Travel plans for next year are forming already. Wherever we go, our adventures will be different. We'll have Wally along. Hopefully we will be busy making lots of sales.

I've settled in Queen Creek this year. It's quaint, provincial and growing rapidly. It is being built up with chain restaurants and chain stores. The usual assortment of corporate money traps that keep the local people fat and happy for awhile. There have been some local businesses sprouting up in the middle of this, which gives us hope. 

In 2024, continued growth is expected in my little bubble. The business looks strong, as long as it keeps heading in the right direction. This blog will be updated regularly as well. Right now we are planning on every two weeks. Possibly Wednesdays. I have bits and pieces of started drafts of posts from the year. Sometimes self-discipline is difficult. I still live some distance away from Master and still more or less independent. It's amazing what one can get used to. 

From the bottom of our scarred black heart to yours, Happy/Mary Whatever You Celebrate in December and Happy, Healthy, and Safe New Year!

Daddy Issues - Handling Gossip Mongers

Today's post is a reply to a concern that has arisen for a subscriber. It's still all too common in this, the year 2023. Gossip. Dante's Inferno places gossip mongers in the Eighth Circle of Hell. Eighth ditch, to be precise. Here is our subscriber's story:

Dear Puppe:

I live in a trendy apartment complex in an up-and-coming area of Phoenix. It has come to my attention there have been malicious rumors spread about me recently. I know this because I was asked directly by my Dom. He knows what he asked me was absolutely ridiculous! I work from home and often work in the wee small hours. Conscious of how thin the walls are and that I have a sleeping roommate, I keep my tones low when I am working through difficult issues aloud. Sleeping roommate is not disturbed. These spoken work sessions are often recorded and I've caught my next door neighbor's conversations, with my name being used, in the background noise of the recordings. I'm a bit of an audiophile. 

In addition, I must present myself in a certain way that my Dom requires and he has good taste. At times when I walk through the complex and can hear the whispering. It's like being transported back to high school hallways when I pass through at times. 

Unfortunately the next door neighbors seemed to think I was speaking to them personally. I've never met them any further than hello and goodbye in passing. What kind of psychopath does that?! Please advise. - Annoyed on Roosevelt

I admire your courage in bringing up such a concern. To say someone is gossipping about them can seem more like petty whining, rather than genuine concern, and is easily dismissed. Talk is cheap, but the truth is priceless. Gossip is usually a reflection of the other person's insecurities. If your Dom is pleased and your bond is strong, there is no need to worry. Those in the vanilla world would probably not understand things such as keeping strange hours or not having control over one's own appearance. Such tactics are meant to bring someone else down in an attempt to bring themselves up, at least in the eyes of others in their own narrow circle. From what I can tell your neighbors violated your privacy at 3am. I'm sure you have enough to do that you don't want to have to worry about this kind of childish drama. 

Walk tall and don't let the bitches get you down! There is nothing more alluring than a confident and happy slave with good taste. Gossip is merely a reflection of the gossip monger's unfortunate self-worth. Let your confidence be your machete to chop through the jungle.

The Desire to Serve

           I had an encounter with a vanilla gentleman who asked my relationship status. Whether I am in some sort of traditional relationship. I answered honestly and politely, simply replied that I am owned. Naturally he asked what that means. I explained that traditional relationships lead to catastrophic results and I am quite happy in bondage and in my primary dynamic. Next question was how we met. We met on a fetish website I was never really thrilled with in the first place. I found what I was looking for and further explained I’ve been happily collared for over a year. This seemed to satisfy his curiosity.

           The search for a primary dynamic in such a wild and varied lifestyle was very difficult and occurred in a very dark time of life. That time was the Refiner’s Fire to be sure. I’ve come out the other end stronger and better than ever before. The search was fraught with at times near total insanity and took well over a year of my life I will never get back. I am so glad and grateful to have found my last Dom. He recognizes that my strong desire to serve is a strong trait that is vastly different from it’s mislabeling as being needy. He has strengthened me and our dynamic through this desire to serve. The reward for the punishing search as more beautiful than I imagined it would ever be.

           My heart has been broken, beaten, burned, and shattered. It is encased in Kevlar. I no longer have any belief in romantic love. That notion only gets one into serious trouble. Since I am beyond the point of pity parties, suffice it to say I’ve been hurt that much. With each heartache, and birth of corresponding triggers, my desire to serve has been sustained through it all and has only grown stronger with the recognition of each new frailty. It’s not always a bad thing to have one’s humanity stripped away to let the pure feral animal instinct take over.

           With what was often great disappointment after my hopes had been built up, there were brief moments of pure golden shining fantasy during which an overactive imagination can run riot. The unfulfillment of if those golden shining fantasies are what hurt the most. Much more that the other person removing their presence in one’s life or affection once given. When the dust settles, those fantasies don’t fade. The resulting void is the direct byproduct of such cowardly betrayal. What does one do with those particular thoughts and feelings? Those particular thoughts and feelings suddenly have no outlet and are closed up and pushed aside.

           They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. As a recovering serial monogamist, I noticed old unhealthy patterns that tried to develop. Then it hit me like a cosmic lead pipe. What I needed to do was to figure out what baggage I wanted to pass along to the next Dom; the bad or the good? Instead of passing along the resentment from the pain of past failed dynamics, I made the conscious decision to pass along the fantasy. Since then I have transformed myself into an object of fantasy. My feminist friends would cringe, but it’s a very powerful and liberating transformation.

           After much painful introspection, I’ve realized that instead of holding future paramours responsible for the past sins of others, I would give them the most golden of those moments of pure fantasy they crave. I give the very best of those moments to my true and rightful owner. Even now as our dynamic continues to grow and mature organically, I continue to prove myself worthy of being his little treasure. What better life is there that to live out your most delightful fantasies on a regular basis? Not to say my life is perfect, but in a kind of sick and twisted way it is.

           I have a ritual to prepare for sessions. In this process, I recall which sick and twisted golden fantasy my mind has conjured that would be the best for my paramour. I use these fantasies during worshipping Master as a way to deepen the exquisite depths of subspace and stretch my boundaries just that much more. I use them to bring joy to the lives of others. After all, my purpose is to bring joy to the Universe. By any means necessary. As they say on the Satellite of Love: Stay soft, pink and oily

Holiday Special, 2022

It’s that time of year again. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas in these United States. This time of year is chaotic for anyone regardless of race, color, creed, or religion. Holiday hours of stores and obscene lines at post offices alone are enough to drive anyone mad. Even if one doesn’t celebrate anything in particular, everyone will have at least a glancing blow by the holiday spirit this year.

Strip away the insanity of this time of year and what would be left? A time of autumn turning into winter complete with accompanying bad weather. A bleak prospect as we look to three whole months of winter ahead. Upon further reflection, one may even think that baking cookies really would warm up the house and sharing them with others is a tasty way to keep one’s energy up for much preferred nonholiday related activity. Here in Arizona, it’s been prime tourist weather. I do not miss the sadistic mid-Atlantic weather at this time of year. We don’t live here for 115–120-degree heat in the summer, we live here because it was around 75 degrees on Thanksgiving.

School breaks and other routine shattering changes have made this a time for little other choice than to bond with our families, loved ones, and those we share dynamics with. Even for those to whom the terms “family” and “loved one” is rather abstract, we can still bond with others over our cookies and hot cocoa.

My beautiful transgender daughter wants to emigrate to Canada because of concerns for her personal safety. She has chosen not to celebrate American holidays in protest of the most recent hate crimes toward the LGBTQ+ community. This took out thoughts of a family Thanksgiving. She’s my only family in the area! It’s her choice which I fully support. I spent Thanksgiving with BFF Jeff. We cooked, napped, ate, and watched a random football game. Master has family obligations and he makes sure we have our worship sessions and time together every week. I respect this and we generally handle holidays as they come along. We had our worship session the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. As the time of this writing, we are not sure of what late December holds for us just yet.

My beautiful transgender daughter is an atheist and doesn’t celebrate religious holidays either. Last year’s winter celebration was Festivus. A holiday for the rest of us. See Seinfeld. Alas though Festivus is a totally made-up holiday (aren’t they all if you stop to think about it), it’s still an American holiday. Thus, she isn’t even celebrating that. I will be having Christmas Eve tacos with BFF Jeff this year. This event always brings good cheer! A lifetime ago there was the tradition of Chinese food for Christmas dinner. Always a treat for the children when they were young. Fond memories of Christmas past. Good riddance to it.

With all the looking back and gratitude being spread around, there is an equal measure of looking forward in anticipation to the coming new year. It’s been a rough few years for everyone. Regardless of age, gender, unstable economic atmosphere has touched all of us without consent in bad places.

This coming year we will be expanding past the start-up stage of a business that was reborn in 2022 after going into a dormant coma for a while. I started this blog, which is an example of plans being carried out and goals achieved. Our next goal regarding this blog is to keep to a weekly posting schedule. There is no better time than the last month of the year to develop new habits for the upcoming year. Plans are made to possibly expand our online presence with our own online store. Not just another random page on Etsy or eBay. We are in a place and in position to put into action plans that came from ideas that were born as far back as early 2020. Is it just me or does that seem like a really long time ago?

2023 promises to be a year of expansion and long anticipated goals becoming reality. I predict 2023 will be a year of a lot of really hard work. One of my goals is to have a party in May. One of the steps to that goal is to write and publish a novel to celebrate the release of. The shop is in a constant state of flux. Yes, I’m confident upscale handmade exists. Right now the search is on for my market. Onward.
            

Enjoy the season everyone! May you all make fond memories to look back upon with a smile as the days get shorter and the nights get colder.

Living The Dream - Daughter of Cain

After a couple of paradigm shifts, I decided to fully embrace a nomadic lifestyle. I’ve been unsettled for as long as I can remember. I’ve moved around literally my entire life. My first interstate move occurred whilst still in the womb. I was moved across the United States a few times as a child. A military brat without the military.

           I will always consider Las Vegas my hometown. However, if you ask me where I’m from it will always be the last place I’ve lived. At the time of this writing I live in Phoenix, Arizona, having moved from Delaware. I lived there about twenty-five years. As “from somewhere” as a nomad can get. In Delaware, if referring to a visitor, the visitor was “from away”. I am from away. I was born in California, first remember Vegas as home, and I’m from Delaware. Go figure. As Thomas Wolfe would say, “You can’t go home again.” 

           In between Vegas and Delaware, I’ve lived in North Carolina and Wyoming. I moved from Vegas to North Carolina when I was eleven. The culture shock alone was one of those experiences that would go on to affect me to this very moment. Needless to say, I was a bit of an oddity, and remain odd to this day. Since there I’ve made a few circuits around the continental United States. Even before I knew what the word “travel” really means. For me, travel is life.  

Until this most recent paradigm shift, Modern American Society made me feel as though there were something wrong with me. Yet I’ve found that I am at my happiest when I am traveling. What could be more American than life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? I am pursuing the fuck out of some happiness. 

I’ve been told that I am very European in a lot of ways. This is a point of pride. Someone who is different strikes instant fear in the heart of the Average American. I used to take this personally. Now I find it at times to be very helpful.  

I’ve tried “settling down”. Got married, had a few children, and lived a quiet “stable” suburban lifestyle for about a decade. Complete with school events and block parties in Capri pants. As the suburbanites drowned themselves in cheap wine, and even cheaper beer, they talked about everything, yet nothing in particular. The stories they told were eyelid-dropping vanilla versions of my own routine mundane life. It’s when I became an empty nester and found myself completely alone that I decided to give up everything. I have found my happy place in no place in particular.  

The decision to become a lifestyle nomad should not be made lightly. This is a lifestyle choice that requires a mindset that is vastly different from that of Modern American society tries to thrust upon us. Space becomes a commodity in reverse. Everything has to be condensed as small as possible yet be in perfect order. Everything I own is functional in some manner. Budgeting also takes on a whole new meaning. Both of these topics will be explored in further posts. 

I’ve had a few detours over the past couple of years that left me faced with few options. A good friend was gracious enough to give up his dining room in his condo in midtown Phoenix for a few months. This stopover allowed me time to pause, regroup, and rebuild. Thanks to his hospitality, my life looks much brighter going forward. It was at the end of this stopover that I made the decision to live a nomadic lifestyle full-time. A rather bold lifestyle choice I dare say. 

Before I committed to this lifestyle, I did research into how all this would really work. Everyone daydreams about just leaving everything behind to wander. It’s a romantic notion to be sure, but I wanted to know how such a thing would work on at least a certain level of practicality. There is very little on being a nomad in the United States. Some of us can’t just jet off to fashionably backpack through Europe and Asia. As if that were even possible to do such a thing at the time of this writing. I’ve never really had the desire to travel internationally.  

I came to this lifestyle as an empty nester. Dented and damaged by the actions of others, dead tired and dead broke. I no longer wanted the hassle of being tied to a place I didn’t like. If I wanted to be tied to a place I didn’t like I would have stayed married. If there is an option that doesn’t lead to misery, I will undoubtedly take that option. The housing option that didn’t lead to misery was hotel life. In between and for more extended stays I stay with friends in various spots of the valley. If I get bored in one area, I’ll simply move to another. If the area I am in no longer suits my needs, I’ll simply move on. 

I’ve had my fondest memories through life at hotels. I knew people lived in hotels as a matter of choice. It is indeed a thing people do. I crunched the numbers, and it was something I could do. Nomads are not homeless. I’ve always had a roof over my head that I have paid for. With my own means. I knew full well hotel life would be more expensive than apartment life but consider the balance. Someone else makes my bed and most hotels provide complimentary coffee. 

I was spoiled in midtown. The building I summered in in 2021 and my gracious host were top shelf. To a certain extend I felt allowed to rest, or at least slow down, to regain my thoughts and plan my next steps in a peaceful place six floors up from the rest of the world. I was close to anywhere via public transportation and midtown is beautiful in the summer. I could do what I needed to get done easily. I got to come back to home base to someone who was (and still is) genuinely happy to see me. After recovering for a couple of months from an incident which will remain untold on this platform, I reconnected with my true and rightful owner. My Master, the one who holds claim to me for all eternity. I was collared in August, 2021, and remain happily so to this day. A couple of months after my collaring, I moved in with BFF Frank in Scottsdale for a few months. I remain a refugee from Scottsdale. 

Daddy Issues: Solid Foundations

Since this is the beginning of a new blog, it's been decided that we go back to basics. A lot may seem no-brainer to the experienced slave, but may be vital new information to the novice to our way of life. No matter one's level on the playground, the following tips could help prevent bigger, and possibly more dangerous, Daddy issues further down the line. If you have a situation where another's brutal honesty would be helpful, feel free to make use of the contact information provided.

OBEY

The most important rule that owns all others is OBEY YOUR DOMINANT. Yes, being a brat can be cute at times but is behavior that isn't tolerated for very long. 

Pay Attention

One's connection with one's Dom/Domme should be solid. That one would be able to pick up on the slightest of nonverbal cues and act on them accordingly. If you can't do that, be patient. It takes time to build trust and develop your bond. Always, always, always remember that He/She will determine the level of connection in any dynamic. 

Do not, whatever you do, do not compare one dynamic with any others. Even if you have multiple dynamics. Especially if you have multiple dynamics or arrangements. What works perfectly in one dynamic may be catastrophic to another.

Let Your Needs Be Known 

One should always be honest and straightforward about one's desires and hard stops. If one has a need, let that need be known. Unmet needs harbor resentment. Unexpressed resentment leads to bullshit games and undue drama. If you have a Dom/Domme that is worth being bound to, He/She will consider and might even grant the request. It is helpful to be prepared with explanation and answers to questions that are sure to come up. Going along with this, one must be willing to accept a negative result. Not all requests can/will be granted.

Practice Self-Care

One must take responsibility for one's own self-care. A good Dom/Domme will understand this need. Being owned takes a lot of physical and mental energy. If one chooses to commit to this lifestyle one needs strength, courage and endurance. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Do what you need to do to prevent sub-drop. This issue will be explored in detail in future posts. Again, a good Dom/Domme will understand this need. Know that you, yourself, are a vital part of your owner's self-care. I know with a certainty that I am vital to Master's self-care. Confidence is worth pursuing. Nothing is sexier than confidence. Notice I said confidence, not "attitude". Stay humble. Confidence is earned, "attitude" is not. 

Wear Your Pride

The last basic lesson is this; Wear your pride. You've chosen to become at least casually involved ini ia taboo and often misunderstood lifestyle. Don't be ashamed in the vanilla world. Refrain from kink-shaming. One never knows when one finds oneself in a situation where one would have to explain oneself. There is a stigma on the lifestyle that is expected to last for eternity. THose that live outside of this sphere are often too sensitive, fragile, lack understanding and are often woefully ill-informed. 

Until next time, everyone! Stay safe and sane!

Greetings, Fellow Citizens

Greetings, fellow Citizen, and welcome to Nocturnal Emissions. I will be exploring the world through a decidedly unique perspective. I enjoy a nomadic lifestyle, which will be explored in future posts. Within the added layers of living BDSM 24-7 as an owned and collared slave, take comfort in that the perspectives given in this podcast will be my own twisted thoughts and opinions only with the approval of my owner, with his full support. I live as a collared slave of my own free will. While my perspective may not be truly unique, it definitely requires parental guidance.

I wanted to do a podcast because I can talk to my dear listeners instead of myself in the middle of the night.

Nocturnal Emissions will eventually feature four sections:

●       Daddy Issues

○       Think Dear Abby for the Pervy and Twisted. We who live such a taboo lifestyle have dramatically different relationship dynamics than the mainstream. I will answer questions and give advice on BDSM dynamic issues. Please keep in mind that I am not, nor have I ever been, a licensed therapist. All advice is intended for entertainment purposes and most questions will be fictionalized. Included in this segment will be advice on being a submissive in an open Dominant/submissive dynamic. My only qualification is being a submissive for nearly three decades.

●       Fashion Victim

○       Being the Gothy goddess I am, I really can't throw stones when it comes to manner of dress. My name is Puppe for a reason. I was trained to present myself as a living doll from early childhood. I was raised according to the gospel of Emily Post, taught how to dress my petite hourglass form perfectly, to apply makeup in a flattering way, to do my hair and makeup myself. Long story short I was raised with standards. I simply wear what I like and don't really give two fucks what other people might think. I know exactly how I look, but I fear most women don't have a clue and are true fashion victims. You will never see holes in my jeans! Fashion Victim is simply a sounding board for my displeasure at the bad taste of other people. There will pics posted of my best efforts. 

●       Living the Dream

○       I have fully embraced a nomadic lifestyle. I move around the Valley freely and at will, resources permitting. At least for now. Until Master sees fit to change this aspect of our dynamic. In Living the Dream, I will share various and sundry thoughts on this curious and misunderstood lifestyle choice. As an added bonus this is where I will share advice on traveling and regale you with tales from my career of an office temp. I am a small business owner as well, one of which allows me to fund both of my often misunderstood lifestyles and live them as freely as resources will allow.

●       Vanilla World Wrap-Up

○       I don't really much care what happens in the vanilla world. There are much larger world events that affect literally everybody. A war recently kicked off in Eastern Europe. There will be plenty of coverage given to that and other more local events. I will only explore the resulting issues that affect these unique lifestyles specifically. Here is where I will offer my two cents worth of jaded and cynical opinion. Please remember that these opinions are my own and are only made public with the approval of Master.

 

But Why a Blog?

I have been writing professionally for several years. I am self-published and have been told I have passable talent. I toyed with the idea of a podcast and decided what I felt most comfortable doing to push my worldview out into the world was to blog. During my creative process, ideas flow in and out of my mind that relate to all kinds of different things, but rarely to each other. I naturally sit back and observe the world. The thoughts that result from these observations have nowhere to go except out into the ether. I had no real use for them. My thinking is that perhaps that blogging will be a safe outlet for some of these often random thoughts, offer some enlightenment, and also perhaps help someone else's world make a little more sense.

 

Lifestyle Influence

There are several influences that will be explored through the lifetime of this blog:

●       Creative Process

○       This blog is a byproduct of my creative process. As with most humans, life gets busy and often throws obstacles in the path of anything one wants to accomplish. As a writer, I have many random thoughts that come along and ruin an otherwise good story. I keep strange hours and do my best work in the dead of night. The mental clutter had to go somewhere and I developed a rather insane little habit of speaking them aloud. I realized some of this arbitrary thought had potential. Even if it wasn't relevant to the task at hand. I made a quip using one of these insane thoughts and Master cracked a smile. I mentioned the desire to start a podcast, but I eventually opted for comfort instead of vanity. Master has been very supportive of this endeavor and its previous incarnations. 

●       Music Influences

○       I'm kind of into music. This is the biggest understatement since "Houston we have a problem." Literally anything could come out of my speakers, DJ Inept at your service. Much to the dismay of my parents and friends, later that of coworkers and neighbors. I identify as a rivethead but can appreciate most genres. My master playlist is about 550 tracks and growing. Some of those tracks were quite difficult to find, requiring deep search. I've met a lot of interesting people and those interesting people come with interesting music. In an ironic twist of fate, I don't play any instruments, electronic or acoustic. 

●       BDSM

○       I made the decision to enjoy a BDSM lifestyle 24/7. I had a major paradigm shift a couple of years ago when a lot of seemingly disjointed pieces started to fit together. As stated earlier, I was trained from early childhood to be submissive. I was raised in a conservative Christian home. I was known as a "strong willed" child, which has a certain meaning in the circles from which I remain a refugee. This meant that my natural free spirit had to be broken down to fit into a narrow preconceived notion of what my place was. Never mind what I thought, felt, or experienced. I learned to submit as a matter of self-preservation. I found that a natural result was that submissiveness was ingrained into my personality through often harsh conditioning. In yet another twist of fate, I found myself lost without a Dominate to submit to, leading to often catastrophic results when trying to pursue vanilla relationships with a vanilla mindset. With a flick of the wrist and complete reframing of any and all mainstream training, I have found freedom in bondage. I have been happily collared since August, 2021, and have been loving every moment of devoted service to Master.

Conclusion

In conclusion, you have found a unique blog. One which will most likely raise one or two questions than it answers. Feel free to ask any and all questions that you might have. I will answer with at times brutal honesty.

Thank you for taking a look. I can't think of more beautiful eyes to bruise with my rants. Until next week: Stay safe and sane, my friends.